A new publishing imprint, Clandestine Classics, has decided that the classics need a little spicing up:
“The old-fashioned pleasantries and timidity have all been stripped away, quite literally. You didn’t really think that these much-loved characters only held hands and pecked cheeks, did you? Come with us as we embark on a breathtaking experience — behind the closed bedroom doors of our favorite, most-beloved British characters. Learn what Sherlock really thought of Watson, what Mr. Darcy really wanted to do to Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and unveil the sexy escapades of Mr. Rochester and Jane Eyre. We’ll show you the scenes that you always wanted to see but were never allowed.”
And yet, somehow, the founder of the publishing claims this:
“We’re keeping the original prose and the author’s voice. … But we want to enhance the novels by adding the ‘missing’ scenes for readers to enjoy.”
I sincerely hope this is a joke.